I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
