no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
