K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize