Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
God, I missed his penis.
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