Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
