Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
