S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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