I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
