What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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