I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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