Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
