I want to have your abortion
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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