I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
