Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
