woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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