foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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