Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize