i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
love makes seman taste better
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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