She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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