I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
