FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
