So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
