I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
