Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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