You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
