soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
