U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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