Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
NoShamevember. You game?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
