I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
