My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm way too hungover for life right now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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