We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
