So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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