I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
