Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How does one acquire holy water?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
