Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
