You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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