No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
