I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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