U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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