At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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