I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
false alarm, still single
Randomize
