I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
