Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Watching her eat just hurts me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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