he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
