So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
