This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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