Yo dont text me then not text me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
