is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
