there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
