I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
