I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
