I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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