did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just found a bag of teeth...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
