its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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