I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
