I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
