Screwed.edu
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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