just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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