i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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