I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
