I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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