does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
