i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
