Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
