The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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