it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
