wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
