My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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