He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
