he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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