grandma shit on top of the toilet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
