i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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